my great grandmother passed away yesterday at 6:45 pm. The first thing that came to my mind is the times I visited her as a child. She played with me and told me stories, laughed with me and helped me learn. One particular memory was when she visited my grand parents and my older sister and I shared a room with her. She used to have the nicest, cleanest, and most non-scary dentures I ve ever seen !
She was my last great grandparent, the last of the old generation. She was quite a woman. I suddenly remember my great grandfather's funeral 14 years ago. I remember Prathiba, akka, nishitha and I were really young, all of us were probably under 10 years old. And I think we didnt really understand the seriousness of a funeral. i remember the four of us having a lot of fun during tht funeral-week. I remember we invented new games, and code names like "zero-zero" gate for our secret hideouts, n I remember how the three of us used to try to come up with ways to run away from the adults so we could escape from nap time and baby sitting nishitha. But akka, my sweet, terribly big-hearted sister would always go back to the adults and be properly contrite and apologize for all 3 of us. She always was, and still is, such a darling. I particularly remember Prathiba n I holding hands and standing near the portico at Abba's house when our great grand dad s body was brought out and great grand mom weeping. For some reason P and I were really silly kids and we kept laughing, we just didnt get it that he was gone. I guess its just nature's way of helping kids cope with final things like death.
However 14 years later, I m 21 yrs old and nature is no longer eager to help, me, an adult. She was 88 years old and her passing was peaceful. She died just taking a deep breath, in the arms of her daughter. After 2 years of being bed-ridden, she has gone through more than her fair share of pain.
Yesterday nishitha and I spent a lot of time together, after years, and we talked about all the memories. My great grand ma was a wonderful person, who actually lived through history like the independence movement, took care of her husband, stood by him in success as well as financial crisis and tears, and gave birth to and raised 9 children in uncertain times. Her children went on to become doctors, bank presidents, engineers, Brigaders in the military, good wives/husbands and successful parents. My great grand ma is survived by 7 children, 13 grand children and 12 great grand children. I think she lead a full life. Maybe the only shortfall was that she did not get to see any of her great grandhildren get married, my 23 year old sister is her first great grandchild.
I didnt think I would cry as much as I did. The reason I feel so terrible about what happened is because I have already started to forget a lot about my great Grandmother. I remember her devotion to God, I remember the skinny black pigtail of fake hair that she used to rap along with her snow-white hair to make a perfect hair bun, I remember her pretty blue eyes, I remember she had skin like flour, I remember her total commitment to my great grand dad, I remember how kind she used to be to her daughters and daughters-in-law alike, I remember she never ever raised her voice, but I just cant remember the finer details, like the sound of her voice or any of the stories she used to tell us as kids. Thinking about all this just makes me feel like life is so temporary, that no matter how much we achieve, soon we will be forgotten. It almost makes me feel like nothing's really worth making an effort for. Ultimately, our life on earth is temporary. This temporary life will come to an end and no one will remember us. Makes me feel broken.
I think, ultimately, only the people who you touch with your own personal kindness, will remember you, miss u and keep your memory alive.
She will always be my cute li'l greatGrandma, in life or in death.
May she rest in peace...
