The people around me were far too engrossed in their own tasks to notice that I had just had one of the most unfortunate and miserable days of my life. I blinked, hoping that it was all a dream. I knew tht speaking was not an option, so I raised my hand for help. For a while no one came forward. Then finally a lady in pink emerged and asked…”what is it?”. I said…”I am done ma’am”.
”ok. u can collect your belongings from the locker outside.”
Yeah well….I had just ruined my GRE on the 22nd day of Aug 2008. An average score of 740 on 800 in quant’s was more than what I needed to start my “waterworks” as soon as I got outside of the Prometric centre. A friend of mine who had also just given his GRE smiled at me and I felt like screaming 
…
Slow speed and less concentration…the two things that took their toll…I had managed to miss last three questions in quant’s section…!!!
My mind was buzzing, thoughts in and out- a million a minute. I should have made sure I got a good night’s sleep, I should have taken more practice tests. I should have done the word lists another time. I should have started preparing a lot earlier than I did. I should'nt have imagined that I'd be able to do it in just 10 minutes before the exam…I should have timed my practice tests more carefully.
My head was throbbing. I got my phone out of the locker, returned the keys, got downstairs and called Papa. He sounded breathless, anxious, hopeful n so confident that I would have done well. I whispered that it was all over and that he should come pick me up. I waited near the walk bridge down the road as I had promised him. Ten mins later he arrived. My mind went blank, lucid even. It was the strangest feeling. It was buzzing for days, but at that moment when my dad looked at me from across the street, everything was quiet.
I just stood there, for moments, minutes, thinking nothing. There were people laughing, drinking tea, driving cars, smiling at each other and some even at me. No 'buzz' came to my head. For the first time in my life, I truly witnessed silence.
My first set of emotions suddenly came in. I suddenly found a certain dampness in my eyes but my mind kept whispering to me how futile it was to try and analyze why I did badly and why I was crying. I wanted to retake the GRE. Papa said everything was ok. He did his best to make me feel better. He yelled at me for crying. I knew he felt bad and it hurt like hell to see that I had disappointed him- yet again !
So many people were rooting for me. I spent the next few hours with dad at lifstyle. I didn't wanna shop, but I did anyway. Dad and I spent the 8 hours in madras till the train left to coimby, explaining on the phone to friends and family that I hadn't done 2 well.
When I look back now, I still think I could have done better, but it all worked out for best so I wish I had atleast behaved differently.
After a few days of analysis and a friend's wedding, my parents and I decided my score was good enough and I abandoned the idea of retaking the GRE. A few weeks later, Sept 19th 2008, a letter arrived in the 4 o'clock mail. ETS was offering me a free retest because the computer that I took my test on went 'bonkers' during the test and they now see that it affected my test and they were deeply sorry, n they were passing on their humblest apologies. I was pissed !!!
But yet again we decided that I was nt retaking my GRE. This time it was because it was too close to the semester exams that I was yet to even begin preparing for.
Next came my 2nd internal exams, and the TOEFL- all in the same week. I gave my TOEFL on the 28th of sept 2008. It was not a piece of cake. I don’t know what preparations one’s supposed to do for it. But for me, watching years of American sitcoms finally proved worthwhile. I got a 113 on 120 , n finally made my parents atleast a lil proud of me after 21 years !
All right GRE,TOEFL given …what’s next??
UNIVERSITIES!!!!
Many sympathetic head nods that I used to get whenever anybody asked me my GRE score had me thinking that IIT Chicago and Grand Valley University were all I could get, and even they were too good for me. Like the majority I too was unaware that GRE scores are not the sole criteria that fetch an admit 
…very good academics hold the key…work experience (only if its relevant)…a fabulous SOP…convincing Letters of recommendation... optional essays... CS compatibility forms... research papers... papers published in national and international journels... extra curriculars... social work.... sports ... and what not ! It’s a hell of a job trying to convince a bunch of nerds why you are better than the rest of your clan, more so if you have an average score like mine.
Fighting the feeling of impending doom, I began to try to finalize the University list. After 32 days of analysis, research, advice and rework-Universities shortlisted (finally!!!) . It took me more than a month and yet I think I could have done better 
…There are few of them which should not have been in my list…
Next came the tiring task of getting the letters of recommendation and getting myself to write my statement of purpose…Each university site has a different interface and sometimes I would keep looking for hours and write down the information, only to find out 2 hours later that I had gotten the whole thing wrong. Thankfully most of my teachers were super co-operative so I managed to get the LORs on time, except from one. But finally that was done.
An SoP can never be perfect…nor are there any rules to write a perfect SoP. It went through so many revisions that finally there was no connection between the first and final draft. But I was finally satisfied. 30 days, 5 valuable opinions and 22 revisions later - It looked good.
My mom s a godess. I wouldnt have gotten throgh this withot her. We shared all the work. Wow ! My dad thankfully did all the financial stuff…AoS,Bank statements etc. My parents also managed to take two trips in november to anna uni chennai and get me the official transcripts in sealed envelopes.
In between all of this was lab exams....lab viva....print outs- spiral bind-record submission....project review... abstract submission... assignment submission.. class tests... class notes... text book xerox...internal exams.. model exams...retests... clearence form signature... hall ticket collection... semester exams !!
Packets dispatched by DHL(using the university express offer cupons) in sets of twos and threes… they all reached the universities by Dec 5th 2008. My online status everywhere was “under review” or “unknown” or “application incomplete” I didnt know what else they could want- they already had my sweat, blood and sanity !!! So I waited, watched and sent out numerous emails.
On the 19th of December 2008, a friend of mine turned 21... n we all had a blast. Admission anxiety kept hitting me, but I got through the party with a plastic smile pasted on my face. But for the most part, I had a good time.
Then came that fateful morning. 20the Dec 2008. I was sleepy, pre occupied and distracted from the events of the previous day. I didn't check my email that morning. My mom however did. She was going through my inbox at around 11 a.m, as part of her routine, when she came across "the" email ! I was in my room, asleep. The email read that my application decision was available as the processing was completed and it gave the url. My mom clicked on the url in her own sweet pace, and then clicked on the status link. She saw the letter, rushed upstairs to wake me up. A brief verbal argument and a headlong rush down the stairs later - I saw it ....
I got into CARNEGIE MELON UNIVERSITY !!!!!!!!!!
Top five in the world overall!!! .... And its been rated top three for the course I m doing !
The acceptance letter was beautiful ! It said that they had selected me for my academic and non academic achievements ! I have to get it framed !
How s that for a happy-"fairy-tale"-ending !...Of course I went into shock immediately, but I recovered and I am estatic. Mom cried and Dad couldnt stop grinning ! I got hordes of good wishes from friends and family
and .... finally ... finally .... after 21 years of being a burden to them..... finally..... I ve made my parents proud !!!
:)
